I took my AP Chemistry test today, so bear with me if my newest blog post isn't top notch. But my apology actually serves as a sort of introduction into what I want to write about today. I think I studied more for this particular test than I've studied for the accumulation of all past quizzes and exams. I'm your typical procrastinator- I start out with good intentions, but end with an indifferent attitude. I constantly put things off until "tomorrow". As a result, I developed terrible study habits. I've never spent more than an hour reviewing old notes, and I rarely read textbooks. I was able to get away with that until high school, so freshman year hit me like a ton of bricks. Even still, I didn't put in the needed amount of effort to achieving the highest grades possible. I got by, and that's all I cared about. Until this year. Junior year, I decided I was really going to try. Although I didn't give my full attention every day, I did try during most class periods, and my study habits began to improve. It really paid off in AP Chem, which was where it was needed most. Science has never been my strong suit. The entire class was preparation for the AP test at the end of the year. We went through what felt like a chapter a week, and it took all that I had not to fall behind. Anyway, I flew by the seat of my pants all year, but when May came along, I discovered that I knew more than I thought. I had acquired a genuine understanding of the concepts taught, and I was proud of that. But after today, I'm doubting how much I actually understood. I walked into the library this morning with confidence. I felt ready. I had studied for hours the night before, by myself and with a small group at the library. I got a full eight hours of sleep, and I'd studied even more this morning. I had done everything I could to prepare, and it still wasn't enough. I walked out of the library in extreme disappointment. I was angry at myself for not doing better. I was in a bad mood until school let out. Then I realized, I had absolutely no reason for my attitude. I did my absolute best, which is something I don't honestly say very often. I don't regret anything about this past year, and that's a first. So what did I have to be angry about? I thought about that while reading the last of A Streetcar Named Desire. Then, suddenly, I had an epiphany: Blanche. Need I say more? Her entire life is based on past mistakes and traumatic experiences. She lives every day like it was years ago. Look where it got her- a mental breakdown cost Blanche her family, friends, a paying job, her house. She lost everything by dwelling on the past. Although I definitely do not focus on the past to that extent, I did realize just then that replaying past events over and over in your head gets you nowhere. I believe that the past is there for you to grow stronger from, to learn from and move on. We reside in the present for a reason. If you don't believe me, look at these quotes. People all over the globe, of all different ages and backgrounds, have said the exact same thing throughout the years about the past in regards to the present and the future. It doesn't change.
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ReplyDeleteI agree that we shouldn't dwell on past mistakes, but only incorporate them into our learning experience. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I think people sometimes focus too much on what wen wrong and forget sbout all the positives. We shouldn't dismiss our faults, but instead embrace them as the things that make us who we are.
ReplyDeleteI really don't like thinking that I'm fully prepared for a test and eventually being crushed after taking it. It happens a lot, especially during AP Chemistry. I find that sometimes people get way too wrapped up in the past that it becomes part of their present and that they don't fully realize the whole concept of cherishing "the now". They also focus so much on one failure out of the hundreds of other good things that occurs to them. Like a singer would have everyone complimenting her performance and when one person critiques how bad her outfit was, it'd be the only thing she thinks about, regardless of the positive feedback she received from everyone else. Personally, I need to work on this myself, but then again, who doesn't?
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have to forget about what you did in the past all together. I believe we should think about our past in moderation. Past experiences can help us in a huge or in a subtle way. Long ago when I was your age I too, took an AP exam, which I failed. Looking back I realized that I panicked during the test. From that experience I learned to breathe and relax during every test.
I agree with your last line when you said that we can't change the past, but we can use the past to change our future.